he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
