wrigley field is MILF paradise
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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