Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
