I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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