youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize