This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
