Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When did angry sex become our thing?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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