areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize