I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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