The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
