Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
