I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
