so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's just like the Real World with babies
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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