I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
