I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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