i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize