no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
