dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
