Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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