Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
