youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
