And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
