Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
