The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
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