I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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