Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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