the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
