Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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