this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
