I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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