I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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