So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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