Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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