I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
