He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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