These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
