Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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