He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
