Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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