The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize