watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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