i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
