life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
