I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
