I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
