READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
