Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
