A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Randomize
