ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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