I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
