I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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