Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
