maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Dick very happy bro
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
