Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
