Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
