Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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