Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
