I like to think it a success when the cops are called
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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