you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize