Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
