If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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