woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Enjoy the penises
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
