I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
