I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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