You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
