Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you inspire me to be a worse person
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
