Heybabeimwearingurpanties
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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