He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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