It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
