Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize