even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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