she was so not down for the gang bang
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
